Colour moods: Grey

Grey is my current mood. Not really in a good mood when the company kept on banking money into the wrong account and cannot even withdraw money from the account.

Mood worsens when career hits part of the lowest point. Why I do not deserve to get some other training? Am I useless or dispensable? Even if I do not surf those website during office hours, do i really deserve this? Why need to hire so many people to cut past me and push me even lower and lower? Why cant they get a new staff with no experience to take over some posts? Why cant they put the senior staff upwards? When will I shine?

Why newer staff get better training than me? why cant they train me earlier in some other areas 1st than to let me wait, wait and wait? How long can I wait? How much longer? 2 years? 5years? 10years? My fate has been twisted all around and how can I feel happy in such a working environment? Why nobody wants to think how others feel? I cant stand to remain at the back of the pack, just because I do not have the background.
Just because I do not have the basics. Just because I am under contract. I am a local yet my fate is like that.
If every company or dept is like that, there is bound to have resentment from some staff.

Am i an outcast of this dept? Am I ready to be out of this place? Do I need to have enough and more specialised skills to stand out and get a better job? And shine out.

When will my light turn brighter and who can lit up my darkness, my greyness and brighten up my life? Who can change my life into better and more brighter?

How can I prove myself? Patience or get a transfer? Hope God will lead me the right path and I will make the right choice from there. What will be my option? Be a perm staff? Pursue my passion in my next job and be a more happy person? What can I really do?

I do not feel good if the environment remains like that. More people will go into IMH at this rate. I need to go for more upgrading course and gain experience from volunteering jobs to build up my portfolio.

THe world is so competitive and I need to get more specialised skills to prove my own worth. Meanwhile, I need to keep on learning. Learning day by day and enjoy my life while I am learning. Learning to be a better person. Learning to look things in a different perspective. Learning to let go all of my bad memories as I have forgot my unhappy life. Learn to smile more often and Learn to plan ahead of life.

That’s all folks.


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