Abusive childhood and feeling grey

christmas time is over but i still cannot forget about damages that she had even done in my life. Snatched away my things while she saw the sight of it and gave them away to other people. Used vulgarities to scold people. I do not like people to use vulgarities to scold people, as it does not sounded good at all.

Got a beating from her when I was not involved in the purchasing of certain items. Why cant she be more understanding to me? I had enough and had had enough. She is impatient too. I just hope she can dont use violence to solve those problems. Why she cannot read people’s mind? I do lack of security and I wont want to remain as a victim of verbal abuse.

I also cannot stand a guy who kept on teasing me non-stop, saying me and this guy A  and B are compatible and said so much rubbish to me especially, yet he can get student leader of the year award. He is indeed tactless. Luckily, my distant cousin does not know him, if not he will call him ‘fat pig’. Even I told him my grandma had passed away and I could not help him out for some events, yet he laughed at me and did not understand why till I emailed him about my grandma. It is not I am petty or something. But I just simply feel that why people like to do this kind of thing to me. I enjoy serious games as they are much better for my brain juices than musical chairs.

A leader does not behave himself properly, will make quite a lot of people losing respect for him. I am not a person who will like people to joke about me as I am a very serious person and I do not like matchmaking at all. Told him so many many times yet he doesnt get it. It’s Mainly because of parent’s failed marriage and the abusive childhood.

Gossiping about people do harm and it is not a good thing to do. It is only done by those people who had nothing better to do. I rather watch tv and talk about tv. Sometimes, entertainment news can be educating news or wake-up calls on health issues. Their life are much worse than us as they had very little resting time if they are very famous.

Some people said I do not smile. I had explained I have protuding teeth and I have no money to put braces. Braces are so expensive and my family cannot even afford. Protuding teeth makes my upper lip to look more sad. Just hope people will understand the reason behind it.

Even if I am not happy with my current job, what can I do? I wont want to stay on and be bullied or my life to be manipulated by those people. there are so many secrets I do not know happening in my workplace. My life is worse if I choose to remain there. It is so tired of seeing such sights in my life.

Get scolding for nothing. Get a punch when I am doing my job. Get molested when they refused to cooperate with me when I talked to them nicely. I know the world is like that but will someone let me see the light, bright light, bright future?

The sky is getting greyer and gloomy. It is like downcast. I do not like to be accused of something. I felt very sad when people do not get to see the whole picture. Thus, I had no choice but to leave this place. Leaving is not avoidance. I am not avoiding but I just cannot accept this fate. Lack of opportunities given to me. I want to do more than I could.



Exams results will be out on 18 Dec 2009, which will be 2 weeks later. I am not sure whether I will pass all my courses will flying colours as I did not finish 3 out of 4 examination papers. I just hope I will get good results and clear all my courses this july semester.

Was so tired yesterday and today as I only slept for 1hour 40mins yesterday. Took a 2.5 hours of afternoon nap today. I will still want to help out for more such events if I have the time. This year’s location was much better than last year’s. I was so happy about the location. However, this year’s food is not as good as last few years. Mee goreng. Mee goreng cannot last for very long after being cooked. The breakfast and cake and buns are okay.
More and more people are participating in sports events.
I cannot understand why somebody has to go to the extent of objecting to let me participate in some events. I cannot understand her mindset but I still remember how she abused me over certain matters.
Still want to the extent of threatening me when she had did so much destruction and damages in other people’s life.
Wont want to talk so much about her.
That’s all folks!